4 Lessons I Learned About Grief

By Demetrius Hicks

My name is Demetrius and I was born and raised in Montgomery, Alabama, but currently reside in Orlando, Florida. I am the Pastor of Liturgy and Administration at New Creation Fellowship in downtown Orlando. I have been around the things of the Lord my whole life and been following Jesus for decades. I love music and get to sing and create it. I’ve attached my linktree if you desire to stay connected!

If I'm honest, I had no idea how to start this post. My mind is racing all over the place and I have so much to say about grief. It’s a task to condense this down to only 4 lessons but I will give it a shot. Let me start by saying I’m not a life expert or grief guru. I have just been through a lot in life. The last 4 years have been the toughest to date. To start, in the year of the now infamous 2020, my thirty year old brother passed away. He went to take a nap and just didn’t wake up. January of 2021, my mom passed away from complications during her stay in the hospital with Covid. There was so much in between those two major catastrophes, but that’s for another time. Just know, I understand when life catches you by surprise. Let’s take a look at a few things I’ve learned about grief.

Lesson 1: Grief is Inevitable

I remember playing “tag you’re it” growing up and the objective of the game was to run from the person that was “it” so you would not become “it”. I learned that we can’t play that game with grief and suffering because Jesus said to his disciples and us in John 16:33:

“I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. You will have suffering in this world. Be courageous! I have conquered the world.”

Ecclesiastes reminds us that there is a time for every kind of thing including grief and loss. It’s something I feel we all know but each time we are confronted with grief it feels like a strange thing. I found myself during this last season reading through Lamentations, Ecclesiastes, Job and the Psalms. I found myself looking at the lives of those who were on this walk with Jesus before me and the thing we all had in common is suffering. I looked at the life of my messiah and saw how the scriptures said that he learned obedience through his suffering and that he was a man of sorrows who was acquainted with our grief. I feel like that’s good company to be in and a good reminder about grief.

Lesson 2: Grief is Nuanced

Oftentimes we only associate grief with death but there’s so much that happens in life that I learned I needed to grieve. If I’m honest, I found out that I was severely under grieved for a large portion of my life. Friendships ending or shifting, moving to another state, changing churches, growing older, losing jobs, not getting something you’d hoped for, prayers feeling like they are delayed and a plethora of other things you can fill in are all valid reasons to grieve. Through therapy the last four years I have been revisiting a lot and starting the process of properly grieving. I pray that you even pause as you’re reading this and sit before the Lord and ask him what are some areas you still need to grieve.

Lesson 3: Grief is an Invitation

The things we face at times are real. We are not to ignore them or try to just get through it. We need help. Real help. Psalm 34:18 reminds us that the Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those crushed in spirit. Proverbs 17:17 reminds us that a friend loves at all times and brothers and sisters are born for adversity. I stated those verses because grief is an invitation to experience and draw close to God in a way you would not otherwise. I learned so much about the Lord these last few years. As I allowed him into the space of grief with me my soul and how I saw the world was enlarged. There’s just no other way I would be able to know the things I know now. I also learned how grief was an opportunity for my friends to love me and for me to receive from others. The humility of not having to have it all together and let others into my broken heart was so healing and it drew us closer than we had been previously. I encourage us all to really invite the Lord into our grief and our community around us. It’s such a gift.

Lesson 4: Grief isn’t Eternal

The Apostle Paul reminds us that if Jesus did not rise from the dead then everything is in vain and we are to be pitied. I echo those words! If this world was it and there was no eternal hope in Christ Jesus, this would be pitiful. I am so glad my savior rose from the dead! Revelation 21 reminds us that there will come a day where our savior will return for us and we will be with him finally! He will wipe away every tear from our eyes! Death, grief, pain and crying will be no more because the previous things have passed away! When the saints were deep in their grief and suffering they were reminded of the Lord being with them in the present and in the future them being with him for all of eternity. That is where true hope lies. Grief is not the end of our story!

Conclusion

You may be walking through some tough stuff of various kinds right now. I want to remind you that the Lord sees, understands and knows. He’s with you! He also has placed people around you to walk alongside you in this journey called life. Seek him. Seek out others. Don’t grieve alone. Receive Jesus’s invitation to come to him and receive rest. Above all of that, cling to the hope of life with him now and forever if you belong to him. If you don’t know this Jesus I am talking about, he wants you to know him. Let him in. He’s knocking. God is with us in our grief. Take heart for he has overcome the world!